Have you ever spent time with someone and when you left their presence, you wonder… there’s a strange sense of what you experienced? For the most part it seemed a pleasing exchange—light talk, laughter, and fun—seeming great connection, but something was off, that you can’t quite put your finger on.

Pay attention… there may be more to it… more to come… Beware!

Several months go by, you share pieces of your past—the sensitive side of life’s experiences… A surplus of love stuff comes your way… extra affection, with hand-holding, light kisses—an overdose of love acts with laughter that sometimes does not feel funny, but a tinge of a sting—a hint of that “strange sense” you first felt is in the air.

Beware. Love-bombing is at play.

Months turn into a year or so, you’ve been love-bombed locked in. That odd sense of experience becomes a peculiar sense of self-consciousness. Something feels really off. What’s going on? There’s a shift. Darts of sarcasm are flying your way, now on a daily.  Then out of nowhere, daggers of derision come in a continuum of condescending verbal memos—nit-picking, mean-hearted judgmental tongue-lashing and cantankerous wrangling—an attempt to assail your character, manipulating insecurities—misuse of trust is in full gear. You begin questioning your own person—a sure, but unseen/ignored sign of losing self.

Beware. Malevolent exploitation is at hand.

Over time, a few years in… it hits like a cast iron grill, in the face as you face the mirror of an unidentified image staring at you. You stare into the unrecognized eyes. You turn away, then turn back to peer into the eyes once again and realize, that unfamiliar, yet so familiar face staring at you, is you. Traumatized.

A whirlwind of tricks in tactical events of sabotage has cunningly and progressively taken place over time—ever so subtle exploitation—such that you do not know a web is being weaved—a web of deception.

Executing deception is the mainstay weapon. A master manipulator, covert-aggressive personality—carefully cloaked behavior has unveiled itself: Gaslighting, shaming, guilting, gaming—crazymaking is revved up—a feeling of whiplash, head spinning, puzzlement infused—beguiling subterfuge. There’s more.

Welcome to the world of a Narcissist—Narcissistic Personality Disorder Abuse–NPDA.

So, what is NPD/NPDA and NAARC?

We’ve all heard of narcissism, which is a personality trait.  Narcissism as a personality trait is not a problem, as many of us at some point or another may be full of ourselves, in a lighter sense—vain. However, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental disorder—a dis-ease of the mind, wherein there is excessive interests in oneself—extreme egotism, with a grandiose view of one’s person and character.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder or NPD is a mental dis-ease wherein the personality/perpetrator is known to intentionally inflict emotional and mental abuse upon their victims, at any cost to support their narcissistic supply. Narcissist exploit people to feel good about themselves, build their esteem, hence, narcissistic supply.  In simple terms, narcissistic supply is the use of people by any means to gain “emotional life force,” a pseudo feeling of enrichment or empowerment.  Narcissists employ tactics of all sorts to attain their supply. See Characteristics of NPDA below.

NPD abusers are so consumed with themselves and craves admiration and attention, so much so that they treat others with condescending cruelty that comes out progressively in erratic emotional abuse.

NPDA, is oftentimes hidden in plain sight, and thereby left camouflaged under layers of façades—masked deception. NPD abusers come across as the nicest people: passive nature, calm temperament, soft-spoken. They talk a lot—too much—mostly about themselves and their achievements or personal life.  Their conversation oftentimes digresses totally off-topic and lands center-focus on them. 

NPD is an insidious personality dis-ease that renders devastating psychological repercussions on its victim(s).  NPD in effect leads to domestic violence—NPDA.

Below is a list of a few character traits and effects of NPDA:

  Characteristics of NPDA:                      Effects of NPDA:

1. Deceptive                                                  PTSD
2. Manipulative                                            Stolen Identity
3. Intimidating                                             Confusion/Insecurity
4. Domineering/Controlling                     Anger/Rage
5. Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde                                  Fear/Anxiety
6. Judgmental/Hyper-critical                    Depression/Shame/Guilt
7. Saboteur                                                     Isolation
8. Mean, Hateful, Hurtful                           Numbness/Detachment
9. Negative/Pessimistic                              Mental exhaustion
10. Double-minded                                        Crazymaking/Self-doubt
11. Abusive, Bullyish                                      Entrapped
12. Arrogant/Prideful                                    Brokenness/broken-heart

The experience of NPDA is a conundrum, both to the victim and their family/friends.  Though it is prevalent, people with NPD are crafty at not showing their true nature upfront.

What is NAARC?

NAARC is an acronym for Narcissistic Abuse Awareness & Recovery Community™.

NAARC was created as a catalyst to bring awareness around this devastating dis-ease of the mind that wreaks havoc in families by those who are challenged with this mental disorder.

NAARC Network™ is a community that brings this conundrum out of the shadows and gives voice to victims to bring healing to the brokenness caused by NPDA. NAARC’s mission is to serve as a catalyst of INspiration to repair the breach and heal the divide in IDentity INtegrity.

When a person experiences adversity, abuse, trauma, pain—violations imposed by external forces, there is oftentimes a need to purge and purify one’s person. Some experiences are so overpowering that they overshadow who we are and unbeknownst to us, over time, we lose ourselves. In order to regain ourselves, what we lost—our own identity, a total disconnect from the perpetrator (oftentimes permanent) is necessary, hence, No Contact.

Though termed external forces, the influencers of this type personality are yet too close for comfort—that clandestine one who hides behind the façade of “family”.  The people of whom I speak of are most often times our closest of kin—family folk—fathers/mothers, husbands/wives, sisters/brothers, even our children (who inherited the spirit); family friends or others we know—bosses at work, co-workers; church leaders (pastors, elders, etc…); teachers and faculty in schools, even our Presidents. These titles and placements are cleverly used to mask what’s really behind the faces and personalities of these rabble-rousers. NPD abusers are pervasive in our communities, yet it goes unidentified or undetected—a mystery behind masks and closed doors for far too long.

NPDA has such bewildering effects on the psyche of individuals, impacting relationships of family and friends, therefore, we dedicated a full page for advocacy beyond our blog posts with NAARC Network and our podcast.

This article is a brief overview and is in no way exhaustive in the characteristics or effects of NPDA. There is so much more.  Stay tuned.

Yes, PMS (Positive Mind-Setting) is the new IN thing, and is necessary. Internal nurturing and deprogramming to erase the foundation of negativity and reprogramming to reframe your true essence is essential—for the soul to survive, heal, come alive and thrive—to live again, on the other side of NPDA.  ∎